It used to be tradition for me to post at the start of each month with my highlights from the month before. Not to show off but to keep my focus on the positives and stop my mind concentrating on the negatives. This was especially helpful when I was going through a particularly rough time mentally. So I’m looking back at what kept me going through 2020 and remembering the mostly positive and joyful moments of the year.

LETTING THE NEW YEAR IN

The year started out like many others with a hangover after celebrating New Year’s Eve. I stayed in but it was still a messy and drunk affair as I had Claire and Aaron round mine. Let’s just say that I don’t remember anything much beyond midnight except that we “let the New Year in”. Aaron said this was a tradition for him but neither Claire nor I had heard of it. And lemme tell you we’re never doing it again as the first year of doing so bloody Covid happened.

My first event of the year was seeing Frank Skinner at the Garrick Theatre. Following this I went to a TV Dinner Gameshow event with Char after we grabbed dinner at Wagamamas. Finally, Vix held a Grow and Glow event at Huckletree West on Affiliate Marketing in collaboration with Awin. I finished the month celebrating Scarlett’s birthday at Swingers Golf with Char and Heather. I’d had my hair and makeup done at Blow and had the best night with the girls and also met the lovely Kelsey.

PREMIERE INVITES

In February I went to Vapiano where Steph was hosting her first event, Board Games and Chill. And just a few days later I saw her again at a Tenga Talks event hosted by Alix Fox. I met Steph in the earlier days of blogging so it’s always great being able to have a catch up. The following week I spent Valentine’s Day with Lauren and we saw a comedy show followed by dinner at Maison Du Mezze.

I saw new musical Be More Chill with Kelly, and then Hannah and I attended the premiere of The Prince Of Egypt. I then saw Kelly again to take part in The Big London Bake where we learned we suck at baking. We were making Australian animal cakes and we made a disturbing attempt at a purple koala. It was so worrying it was given the name of Terrifying Trevor and didn’t come close to scoring in the top three.

I ended up taking Trevor home and the next morning he on a trip to Manchester. I was attending an event held by Grow and Glow but had booked an apartment for the weekend. I’d arranged to stay with five other girls who were also attending so we had a little girl’s weekend. And ending a fun and busy month on a high note I hit 16K views on The Live Review.

STILL IN DENIAL AND LIVING IT UP

In March I attended the launch event for Hans and Gretel, a dream filled sweet shop in Camden. I took my sister to a really fun immersive Peaky Blinders inspired event called Crooks 1926. In the same week I also saw United Queendom, a walkthrough theatre experience inside Kensington Palace. I catch up with a number of friends in March which I’m so happy about in retrospect. We were still in denial that it would affect the UK, but lockdown hit at the end of the month

Prior to lockdown I went for lunch with Cat and Ana who I hadn’t seen for the longest time. We can go for ages without seeing each other but as soon as we’re together it’s like no time has passed. I also saw Lauren and Emily when we celebrated Lauren’s birthday at a Drag Brunch. I went for dinner and drinks at Wetherspoons with Claire whilst she told me conspiracy theories about Covid. Fun dinner talk right there!

Finally, just before going into lockdown I met up with Hannah for brunch at The Ned and a photoshoot. I love getting a chance to play around with photography and shoot a lot of Hannah’s London content for Instagram. We always have a great time, take lots of photos and have plenty of Prosecco of course. And that was the last of my plans before we plunged into the start of a four-month lockdown.

LOCKDOWN 2020

For the first two months of lockdown, I worked from home as my manager was concerned about my health. I’m asthmatic and struggle with severely bad hayfever which has hospitalised me multiple times over the years. During this time, I took advantage of an online offering that had reduced the price of diplomas. I signed up for Events Management in line with my job, as well as Calligraphy, Makeup Artistry and Digital Photography.

Lockdown saw me beat a habit I’ve had my entire life, biting my nails! Only took a pandemic to finally make me stop. I had a virtual brunch with Hannah, Kim and Anne-Marie and started weekly video calls with Sarah and Ameera. I held my own pub quiz, which got hacked and someone started streaming porn; would only happen to me! Both Lauren and Cat also hosted their own quizzes which I took part in.

Abi and Katie created #AKCinema, a weekly movie night where we’d discuss the film via Instagram DMs. It was something to look forward to each week and almost like a girl’s night in. And I’m happy to report it’s still going strong nine months later. I treated myself to an Olympus Pen E-LP 8 and 45MM lens with the money saved from not commuting. And I had a 1-2-1 session with one of the experts from Olympus to get tips on using it.

I ordered colouring books and started reading again as I was enjoying the chilled moments compared to my usual schedule. Both my sister and stepdad’s birthdays happened during lockdown, so we splashed out on fancy takeaways and bubbles. And I finally started experimenting in the kitchen when I learnt to bake with BakedIn monthly subscription boxes. I made Prosecco Apple Crumble, Whoopie Pie Biscuits, Pretzels and Raspberry Ripple Cake.

THE SEASON OF ONLINE EVENTS

Despite being stuck indoors for months I was lucky enough to be kept entertained with a number of online events. Traverse started holding weekly pub quizzes but also hosted a number of events. I attended their Creator’s Brunch, Photo Minicon and The Big Virtual Czech In in collaboration with Czech Tourism.

Blogosphere were another company who hosted a number of events for bloggers, hosted on Virbela, an online virtual world. Starting with the Blogosphere Festival, they also had a DSLR and SEO workshop and a Community Day. Grow and Glow hosted numerous Zoom calls, including a virtual birthday party to celebrate a year since opening their doors. I also took part in Woo Woo’s weekly bingo hosted by Alix Fox.

h Club London hosted events for those in the creative industry and I was invited through The Live Review. There were open discussions on tv, theatre, film and more with industry experts, actors, comedians and more. They also hosted quizzes, didn’t everyone, and had weekly happy hours with Patrick Hoy. I additionally took part in an Isolation Drag Brunch with Portia De Fosse through h Club London.

RETURNING TO A SENSE OF NORMALITY

In June I went back to work and was working on reduced hours as there was more staff than work available. I work in events and as they were banned, I was unable to do my job from home. My team were spread across the estate to assist with other departments until the restrictions were lifted. As of yet this has still not happened, we will continue on as we have until further notice.

As the lockdown rules began to ease, I was able to see Claire to celebrate her birthday. We ordered our favourite Chinese takeaway, had a lot of Prosecco and then ordered Creams for dessert. I also got to see my Dad on Father’s Day which was amazing as I hadn’t seen him since January. And in the midst of all the madness I made a snap decision to take myself off my anti-depressants. Middle of a pandemic but sure why not!

Something hit me during the lockdown that the only person who could make me feel better about myself was me. I was off my meds and feeling okay in my mental state but physically I’d been battling with accepting my size. I was tired of feeling shit when I looked in the mirror and from comparing myself to others.

For the longest time I’ve had a love hate relationship with Instagram, but it ended up being the turning point for me. I decided to curate my feed to a more body positive and joyful place. I unfollowed and muted a lot of accounts that brought me down when I looked at them. Instead I replaced them with people with similar bodies to mine and those celebrating body acceptance. It was such a small thing but the difference it made to my outlook was unreal.

THE GIRL RETURNS TO LONDON

At the start of August, I moved out of my Mum’s house and moved into my own flat in London. I’m originally from South London so it felt like I was coming home… Even if I am currently living in North London. I have three flatmates and luckily enough we all get on and have fallen into a routine that just works. Literally the biggest problem we have is getting one of the boys to clean the hob so could be worse.

My birthday is in August and as we were out of lockdown, I was able to celebrate and see people. I went to Bottomless Brunch at Bar Elba with Claire and after month of not drinking it ended very messy. In line with accepting my curves and embracing body confidence, or at least trying to, I tried a different look. I wore a tie front crop top that meant that my belly, my biggest body concern, was out on display. And you know what, not only did the world not end, but I also looked pretty damn good.

I went for dinner with Char to Kintan Japanese BBQ, a yakiniku style restaurant where you grill your own meat. The food was good, but the concept was a bit weird for me, but it was nice to see Char. On my actual birthday I went to my Mum’s and we ordered a Chinese takeaway as my sister was unwell. And then a few weeks later we were to Miller and Carter for a late celebration. My friend Ameera is my birthday twin, so we celebrated together at Jack And Beyond. They had a Bottomless Prosecco and Unlimited Cake Slices offer that we just could not say no to.

I’LL BE WITH YOU IN A PROSECCO

Following my birthday, I had a few visitors over so I could show them my new place. Claire came over and we tried out a local restaurant called Serata Hall. My Aunt was over from Ireland for work, so she came over and took me to Hoxton Fish House. Finally, Hannah came over with housewarming presents and we went to Mare Street Market. Hannah also took me to Jolie In London at Chelsea Funhouse with Meg and again I braved a bare belly. Who even am I!

I caught up with Aaron with a day at All Star Lanes for Bottomless Brunch, Bowling and Karaoke. I met Sarah for the first time when we went for lunch which turned into a full-on day drinking sesh. It was the day that curfew was announced starting the following day and so we went all in. I drunkenly took part in a Speed Dating event and then went for a sleepover at another friends. And once curfew came into play Claire and I went to London Cocktail Club and Bottomless BBQ Dinner at Scarlett Green.

My Mum and Nan’s birthdays fell in the next set of rules, but we were still able to mix then. My Nan turned 80 and we had a chilled day together and got fish and chips. In September my Mum moved to Margate and I went to stay at the new place for her birthday. We ordered a lovely meal from a local seafood restaurant and just had a relaxing weekend. When I came home my flatmates and I got all dressed up and had a little flatmate dinner.

MAKING MEMORIES BEFORE IT ALL ENDS IN TIERS

Aside from the curfew being in place things were feeling a bit more settled and slightly normal. I had my first blog event since February and took Tania to The Murder Express at Pedley Street Station. I went to Cecconi’s Mayfair for brunch with Hannah and managed our most successful photoshoot so far. We had a pub stop midway through shooting and had dinner together but still managed to shoot eleven outfits. She accidently flashed me during one particular outfit shoot and got caught on camera.

Following our shoot restrictions were put into place for the low, medium and high system, the precursor to tiers. I was still able to mix with my flatmates, so we went to sweetshop Hans and Gretel. I was really annoyed that I wasn’t going to be able to celebrate Halloween as it’s my favourite holiday. But thankfully the restrictions allowed me to go to Tonight Josephine for their Bottomless Halloween and Burlesque Brunch.

Carrying on from the first lockdown I continued to attend a number of virtual events. Grow and Glow held a seminar with Charlotte Jonsie on How To Silence Your Inner Critic. Vix also held her own seminar on Tearing Up The Instagram Rulebook, and Eylure held a Line & Lash webinar. Traverse held their two-day Waypoint event with workshops and meetings with numerous tourism boards. Following which I ended up having a four-hour Facetime with Char discussing the event and catching up. And then I had a three hour Zoom with Cat the following day.

BAKING UP A STORM AND VIRTUAL CATCH UPS

I’ve continued to bake since I moved, and I started with a Pear and Frangipane Tart. I got a bit exotic when I made a four tier ombre sponge mermaid cake and got great reviews. Hyper Japan invited me to attend their Virtual Curry Dinner Party and I made my first Katsu Curry. I started a bread subscription box too and have made Tiger Rolls and Focaccia. I also baked Lemon and Blueberry Biscotti and Chocolate Millionaire Squares which were my most popular bakes.

Whilst I could only feed my bakes to my flatmates and work colleagues, I kept in touch with friends virtually. My aunt hosted a quiz with all the family over Zoom which my Mum won because she knows everything. I had phone calls with Lizzie and Zoom calls with Lauren, Justine and Emily. Sarah, Ameera and I started up our WhatsApp calls again when we were all free. And I had a Zoom with Jessie who I haven’t seen since my birthday in 2019.

I took part in the Naughty November Challenge with Persia Lawson on Facebook. Through the challenge I met a bunch of lovely ladies through the group and we had a Zoom call with drinks. I attended a Korean Craft Evening hosted by Traverse and learnt to make origami creations. On the final weekend of the month, I attended with Virtual Christmas with Hannah, Kim and their friends. And then threw a birthday party for two of my flatmates.

MY PERSONAL 2020 LOW

Despite being in a pandemic I didn’t have the worst year compared to a lot of people. For the most part I know I was very lucky and don’t take for granted how the year went for me. But my personal low of 2020 came at the end of November when I found out my friend had died. Emily was a constant source of light and love and had such a passion for life. She had this incredible strength which just emanated from her and I really struggled to process the news. How can you put into words what it’s like to lose such a positive, loving and vivacious soul?

She touched so many lives and will be sorely missed but I’m lucky and blessed to have been her friend. She was an incredible mum, daughter, wife and friend and I’m grateful for every memory I have with her. I can’t imagine not having her in my life and I will never not miss her. But I will carry her with me forever and will try my hardest to make her proud. Her funeral was held in Harpenden in December, two weeks after she passed.

The restrictions meant that only 30 people were allowed to attend the service. I can’t imagine how hard it was for her Mum and husband making the decision of who made that list. I was shocked and honoured to have been asked to be there as they knew Emily would want me there. And as I stepped out of the station the memories and emotions hit me and I just broke down. Everywhere I looked I remembered moments with Emily and it finally hit me that she was gone. It was a lovely service and incredibly emotional, but I was just so pleased I was able to be there.

LIVE LIKE EMILY IS BESIDE YOU ALWAYS

A part of me wanted to sink into my grief but another part knew that’s not what Emily would want. She would want me to live my life, to enjoy every moment and take her along on my adventures. She wasn’t here to do all these things so I would say yes on her behalf. Before she passed, I made a video with the girls sending her our love and she said she loved us. I’m so glad we were able to do that as we couldn’t see her due to Covid.

Following the funeral, I had a Zoom call with Bex, Emily, Lisa and Sarah who all knew Emily as well. We talked about our memories of our Wonder Woman and had a drink and cheersed her and her life. They agreed that Emily wouldn’t want us missing out on life or saying no to things because of our grief. So, I knew that I couldn’t succumb, and I needed to make the most of things and say yes more. I needed to make as many memories as possible and not waste my time on things that don’t bring me joy.

Theatre suddenly made a comeback in December and I was invited to a number of shows to review. Part of me wondered whether I had it in me to still write reviews, especially not long after a funeral. I said no to a couple as they clashed with the funeral, but I was able to make two shows. But I did attend Potted Panto alone and then took Tania to see Showstopper! The Improvised Musical.

FINAL FREEDOM BEFORE TIER FOUR AND LOCKDOWN

The following week last minute Hannah was in London for work, so we arranged to catch up. As Kelsey was free too, we were able to finally get the three of together at the same time. Kelsey had a review opportunity with Crazy Pizza Marylebone and was able to take us both with her. I decided to get my hair and makeup done at Blow and then met the girls at the restaurant. We had a three-course meal with bottomless Prosecco and just chatted the night away for hours.

My final outing before we went into tier four was my Christmas day out with Claire. She had booked tickets to see Death Drop at the Garrick Theatre, so we went for lunch beforehand. We ended up at Sofia’s and had the most amazing meal and found they had a DJ playing that evening. Following the show, we went back to their underground bar Jack Solomon’s for cocktails and to hear the DJ.

After my final day at work, I packed a bag and jumped on the train and went to my Mum’s. The following day the announcement was made about the new Tier 4 restrictions and the Christmas change. I was glad to have already travelled so that I wouldn’t have to spend Christmas Day on my own. We had a really nice but chilled Christmas, and my Mum got my Stepdad a puppy so that was interesting.

I saw in the New Years on a Zoom call with Lauren, Justine, Emily and Becky playing games. It was very different to my usual Christmas and New Year, but it was still a lot of fun. And now I’m back home, back to work tomorrow and we’re in another round of lockdown.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I think that it was a necessary decision with the numbers increasing and the new strain becoming more threatening. So far, I’m struggling to find the motivation to get anything done but I’m back to work tomorrow. I think the structure of work will help me in getting back to some sort of routine. I’ve even made a plan and worked out where I want to go with my websites this year.

But now I need to actually step up and start putting things into action. I don’t want to pressure myself too much, but I also don’t want to waste the quiet time I have. Wish me luck and thanks for sticking by me every time I do a disappearing act on you all. Here’s to a better 2021 with a bit of hope in sight in the form of the vaccines. Let’s continue to find the positives in a sea of darkness and negatives.