18, 01, 2018

To Kiss Or Not To Kiss

First dates for the majority of people are a minefield of pressurised moments from the decisions before the date has begun like what to wear and where you should go. Once you get there you have to worry about whether there will be any awkward silences or if they like you too, and for some of us we are waiting to see whether we will get that kiss at the end of the date.I have always looked at the kiss at the end of a date as a confirmation as to whether the guy likes me and if the date was successful. I’ve only ever been on one first date where I haven’t kissed the guy and despite having what I thought was a great date it ended with just a hug and a “nice to meet you” and he then went on to completely ghost me and so that only backed up my thoughts on the whole situation.

I never really thought about anyone else thinking any differently on this subject until I was chilling out at my friends recently watching First Dates and the topic of first kisses came up. My friend completely surprised me by saying that she never kisses on the first date and I in turn threw her off guard when I saw I always kissed on the first date (we’ll ignore ghost boy). So at a crossroads with our thoughts we did what any good millennials would do and took to my Twitter to see what others felt about first date kisses.

I ran a poll for two days asking what people had experienced on a first date with the options being ‘Always kiss on the first date’ ‘Never kiss on the first date’ and ‘I’ve had both happen’. My friends and I got very invested and loved seeing how the percentages stacked up with it came to a close today.The poll had a total of 160 votes and the overall winner was ‘Ive had both happen’ and when I asked people why they voted that particular choice I had a few people who were happy for me to publish their opinion on my blog.

Jessie, the writer of Jessie’s Journal, had the following to say “In regards to kissing on the first date discussion. I think it’s completely up to you and how you feel and whether you’re comfortable and click enough, however saying that, I have had amazing first dates, where there’s not been a kiss involved and in both cases I felt a more like really good friends with them. One of them is my current boyfriend but I mis-took our first date for just friends hanging out instead of a date, maybe because there wasn’t any sort of ‘intimacy’. Thank you! It’s kind of just an expectation isn’t it? Like it just happens at the end of the date to solidify your attraction to them and to say you had a good time but then again, you can definitely feel almost forced to because of the expectation.”

Not only was she lovely enough to message and let me know her thoughts, she also spoke to her boyfriend about it so we could get an opinion from the opposite sex. He said “It’s all about judgement of the situation and emotions. Sometimes kissing on the first date can make you appear to eager and that you want it to much. But on the contrary it can also represent your feeling and attraction for that person. I always thinks a kiss is a possibility if the date goes well but not a certainty and if it didn’t happen, he would probably wonder why but that it wouldn’t drive him away.”

A friend on Twitter @MissLundgaard was on my side of the fence with her thoughts being “I always kiss on the first date. Except once because he was THAT bad. But if I’m potentially interested, I need to know if they’re a good kisser ASAP because I’m not wasting my time on a washing machine”. As someone who has had the displeasure of kissing someone who thought their tongue was a washing machine on rapid wash I could not agree more, and if he’s a bad kisser what else is he bad at?! What, someone had to say it right!

My work husband was of course fully against my side and said “If you don’t kiss on the first date it can leave them wanting more and give you both a reason to agree to a second date” to which I replied saying the one non kiss first date never lead to a second date so he was wrong (amongst other things) and then as always we were told to stop bickering like a married couple and get on with work.

So whilst my opinion hasn’t actually changed on the topic and I’ll still be there expecting that end of date kiss. But maybe if it doesn’t happen now I’ll at least leave it more than 5 minutes before texting every single one of my girlfriends, and my two gay husbands, telling them how I’m not getting a second date before they all tell me not to overreact and give it a day or two… In the words of Cher Horowitz AS IF, I’ll 100% stay the exact same won’t I.


20 responses to “To Kiss Or Not To Kiss”

  1. Bethany says:

    Wow I’ve never really thought about it in so much depth before, but you really opened my eyes. Not looking forward to dating at all

  2. I loved reading this post. Seeing people’s different ideas of ending a date is quite refreshing considering I have had both no kiss and a kiss at the end of a date. I have had a few dates which ended with a decent end of night kiss and then like you said the washing machine scenario has occurred maybe once or twice – which definitely resulted in no second date. Other times some of my “dates” have taken a kiss way too far and tried to get it on ON with me – which totally freaks me out, “excuse me we just met!”. But with my current boyfriend over the years when we dated we did not kiss but that wasn’t because we didn’t like each other but both were shy or too worried the other will be put off! xoxo

  3. hannah says:

    I always kiss on the first date. The only time I won’t is when I don’t get on with the person

  4. Nikki says:

    I have never really given it alot of thought but I would probably go with having a little kiss at the end of the date even if it is just a wee peck on the cheek.

  5. I have had both happen to be fair, but if I don’t, it is usually because I’m really not interested lol 🙂

  6. Nina says:

    The results are so interesting! I guess it goes to show that different circumstances can lead to different date endings. I’ve felt pressured into kissing someone after a date to make it less awkward and to avoid the whole leaning in and rejection situation! I guess it depends on all the other things going on too! Ive always found location is a big part of what I decide to do.

  7. I have never thought about it. It is a spur of the moment thing to me. I haven’t been much of s dater though!

  8. Rachel Evans says:

    Dating is always so complicated! When I went on a first date with my now boyfriend we had an awkward kiss- both of us are adamant it was the other one who went in for the kiss!! It certainly wasn’t me!

  9. Sarah Bailey says:

    Do you know it has been so long since I had a first day I couldn’t tell you if I kissed on it or not. I think probably I’ve had both happen like most though.

  10. Anosa says:

    To be honest I too have had both happen on a first date and both have led to long term relationships which both ended so I agree with Jessie’s boyfriend and your work husband lol

  11. I do agree with you when you said it’s confirmation the date has gone well as I tend to misread things quite a lot. I’ve had quite a few days go seemingly really well but not end in a kiss then the guy would ghost me so I know how you feel x

  12. kirsty says:

    It’s interesting to see other peoples thoughts on the first date rule and I think a lot has changed over the years. As soon as my husband asked me to date him we kissed right away, I guess we both new it felt right and we’ve now been together for 12 years this year!

  13. nicol says:

    omg dying at the washing machine comparison hahaha. I dont mind kissing on the first but at times it takes me by surprise

  14. Laura Dove says:

    I think it all depends on the person! I’ve had dates where we haven’t felt the attraction so haven’t kissed, and others where we have kissed on the first date because we really couldn’t help ourselves!

  15. I’ve never thought about it before – I’ve had both happen but I totally get where you’re coming from about that confirmation of whether things have gone well if you get a kiss.

  16. Elizabeth says:

    Gosh it’s been so long since I’ve been on a first date I can hardly remember, lol! I reckon if it feels right and the other person feels the same just do/do not as the case may be!

  17. Katie says:

    I’m like you, I judged a date on whether or not it ends with a kiss. If I’m into it and had a great time, I’ll always go in for the kill.

    I haven’t dated in 12 years now though so maybe I’ve changed, haha!

    Katie xoxo

  18. I too did both. However, even though my now wife and I didn’t kiss on our first date it wasn’t because I didn’t want to… just wanted to wait… glad I did. X

  19. Helen says:

    I’ve loved reading this and everyones comments too. I agree that a kiss at the end of a date is validation that it went well. Although I’ve had dates with a kiss and never seen them again and also had no kiss and more dates afterwards.

  20. My mummy hasn’t thought much about it, but she always remembers having a kiss on a first date as being onto a winner!

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Lipstick Loving, High Heel wearing Beauty, Food and Lifestyle Blogger from London.

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